Savannah.

I can't help but stare at my new surroundings here in Savannah, Georgia. It doesn't even seem real to me that I'm here, and this is my new home now. But it is. And I absolutely love it.

I sit on my patio at the new apartment and stare at the palms and tropical plants. I stare in half-amazement, half-disgust at the giant bugs and creatures all around me that come out at night. I drive through marshlands and swamps and rivers and near the Atlantic Ocean every day, a hot and humid breeze that is pretty much relentless at this time of year. I am mesmorized by the view from my Jeep every time I cross a tall bridge and look out over hundreds of little docks and boats that are scattered along the rivers everywhere. I drive fast to keep up with traffic in this little/big town but try to slow down to catch glimpses of old Southern mansions hidden behind palm trees and giant live oaks draped with Spanish Moss on almost every road I travel.

It is sunny almost every single day. I wake up early now. I love being up when the sun rises. It makes me feel energetic, even when the heat and humidity hit well over 100 degrees and sweat is dripping off my face as I sit and smoke a cigarette on my patio.

I feel more alive right now that I ever have in my entire life. I think back to my days in Cleveland and how miserable the weather can make you feel. This time of year up north depressed me, because I knew the warm weather was coming to an end in a few short weeks. Here, I look forward to the Fall and Winter months to see how much or how little things change down south here.

My move was extremely difficult in many ways, but went pretty smoothly overall. I had a bunch of visitors on my last two days who all helped me carry things from my little fourth floor apartment down the stairs and into the moving truck. I think I cried every single time I had to say goodbye to someone. It made me feel like I was dying a bit inside, and that maybe this move was a bad decision. But I stayed positive through those last few hours and reminded myself that I have always been okay, no matter where I've been or through any situation I get myself into.

Tara was there my last day. I felt a strange detachment from her though, whether it was on her part or my part. But we went through this phase before so even though it hurt us both a little, we know that that's how life goes. You move on, you keep living, and keep learning. I've only spoken to her once on the phone but I know she's been busy with her crazy life. Tiffany came over looking like the prettiest pregnant Barbie doll in the world. She sat and we talked for about an hour before my sisters and niece arrived in Cleveland. She was there for me the day that Andrew and I broke up. She was the person that came through for me and was there to listen every word I had to say. I couldn't hold back my emotions when it was time for us to part ways. I miss her.

We jumped into the moving truck and my sisters car and headed up to attach my Jeep to the moving truck. The texts and phonecalls from Andrew came pouring in. Apparently he had seen us out on 117th loading the Jeep onto the trailer. We ended up fighting on the phone over something completely stupid. It felt like his last attempt to talk to me, and I could hear the hurt in his voice. Maybe he felt like he made the wrong decision, I don't know. But as soon as that conversation ended, I felt at least 70% better about my decision to go.

I cried in the moving truck, since I was alone and no one could see or hear me. As I neared the West Virginia border, I felt better and better. As soon as I crossed the river into a different state, I screamed at the top of my lungs to get the last molecules of Ohio air out of my system.

That's when I felt 110% about everything.

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The drive down went well. We stopped a few times for gas (damn, towing a car on the back of a moving truck is extremely expensive!!), once for a stretch break, and once for breakfast in the morning. I woke up at 9am on July 30th, did all that back-breaking furniture moving, and was still up and driving through Charlotte, North Carolina, at 7am the next day. As we turned off I-95 onto Route 17, heading south directly toward Savannah and the Georgia border, I became extremely excited.

We crossed the bridge over the Savannah River at 11am. It was the most breathtaking view I've ever seen. The bridge is high, but you don't know how high or steep until you physically drive over it. Savannah was spread out below, the gold dome of City Hall sparkling in the bright sunlight. Trees looked greener. The smoke stacks and tall arms of the shipping ports upriver took on a grand appearance from that vantage point. We finally pulled into my new home at 11:30 am. I was delirious from the move and drive and from being awake for so long. Finally, after 40 tedious hours of being awake, I dropped onto my bed in exhaustion and slept; no pillows for comfort. I didn't need them anymore.

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The first week I was low on cash and didn't do much. Thank God my parents had helped me out a bit financially, otherwise I wouldn't have had enough money to afford the 16 cent ramen noodle packages that I lived off of for seven days. My sisters even helped me out a little, grabbing toilet paper, a little more food and soda, and shower curtain liners for both bathrooms. I was so excited moving all my things into the new place.

We spent the week going to the beach. Emily and Kenzie loved it. Miley Cyrus was shooting her next movie on Tybee Island and Kenzie was so excited to see the movie sets and extras walking around doing their thing. They did a whole lot of things and I wanted them to get out without me and enjoy this time for their own little vacation. They never get to do things like this and I think that's one of the best things that my move did for anyone. They got to be mom and daughter in a strange, new, wonderful place together.

Katie read a lot. She rode my bike around the island and jogged. We watched a bunch of movies together and had a really good time.

I met my first new friend within the first 3 days of being in Savannah. I won't say anything bad, because I know he'll read this. Just kidding CW! He invited me to a beautiful park in the city and we played frisbee and talked. He's a great guy and he's really introduced me to a lot of people in a very short time.

There's so much more that has happened, both good and bad, in the 20 days that I've been in Savannah. Nothing that I feel like writing about right at the moment. There are many flakey people down south. Many of them aren't even from here, and I see why they are the way they are. But I'm sticking to the folks I know are good people. I think I need some of them just as much as they need me right now.

last day

Finally, the big moving day is here.

The past few days have been great, full of fun times and sad. Its definitely bittersweet. My two favorite gals from work brought in a cake on Tuesday, my last day at work in Cleveland. We say around and talked and laughed after our shift.

Then, upon my announcement that it was time to go, the tears began to flow. I'm so glad they were all there. I'm gonna miss them all a lot.
I got a sweet note from a woman who has always been on the quiet and reserved side at work. I have messed with her hard core for years now. She acts like she hates it, but I know she loves it. Secretly. So she gave me a note and I asked if I should save it. She nodded yes, turned around, and took off with obvious tears in her eyes. That hit me so hard.

I guess I've really had a big impact, in so many ways, on these people I've known for 3 short years. Some good, some bad. But mostly fun times were had by us here in Cleveland.

I said my goodbyes. I hope at least a couple people come visit me. I will definitely be back, at least to visit.

I had my last few drinks last night sitting on a patio on the corner of 117th and Clifton last night. I remembered what my manager had said the other night.. "this is really starting to get to you, I can tell, you're looking around at everything with wide eyes and just absorbing it all, making sure you remember." And I am. I don't want to forget anything that's happened here. My memory is already so bad. I can't ever forget this place, and I don't want to.

Yesterday went smoothly, once I had a few people to help me pack the truck. Today, all I have left are a few boxes and the big furniture. I pray everything goes fine. That my sisters and niece make it here alright. That I have enough help for today. That by this time tomorrow, I'll be loading my belongings in to the new apartment in Savannah, Georgia.

I haven't seen or heard from A. Not sure that I want to. I left his last couple belongings in the closet with a note. I don't know if I repeated some of the same things that I told him 3 weeks ago when we broke up. I can't stop noticing the car he drives, all over Lakewood. I never saw his kind of car before, and now it seems as though every car is his car. I don't know what that means. Maybe I just miss him and wish I could see him one last time. That might put me back to square one though, so forget it.

I'm really happy for where I'm headed in life. I'm excited. Things will be ok. I'll never forget cleveland, my friends here, or the life I've lived in the past 3 years. I can only look ahead though, and realize how much the future has to offer me.

This should be very interesting.

final week

I have got to crank things up a notch. I have so much work to do, and so little time.

Moving day is Thursday. My sisters and my niece are coming to Cleveland and we are hitting the road around 7pm for Savannah. I'm getting really excited but at the same time, my heart is breaking. I feel like I need to be around my friends more. But I've spent so much time with everyone in the past several weeks, and I have had so much more fun, along with the pouring out of a lot of emotions, than I have in a long time. I don't remember feeling like this when I left Youngstown to move to Cleveland just 3 short years ago. My, how things do change.

I was in a different phase of life then, and completely ready to move on. I had broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years about 8 months before that move. So, although I had moved on in the relationship department, it was still pretty tough leaving family and friends that I had been around for my entire life. I can't say that I feel exactly the same, but those feelings are coming back to me again. I definitely need a change of pace. I need to reinvent myself, not completely but in order to focus on the things I need to focus on, this is the only option I believe I have at this point.

I spent the entire day last Friday in Youngstown with family. I visited my grandmother for several hours. I stopped by her house as soon as I got back in to town and surprised her. I love her so much, and I see where I get a lot of my personality traits from. Yep, its all her. We sat around, ate some strange, abnormally large cherries that she had just bought from the store, and smoked about a half a pack of cigarettes each. She told me stories from the past, I told her some stories from my days in Cleveland. We had such a good time. I miss stopping by to hang out with her like I used to.

After that I went to my sister's house and hung out with her and my niece for a few hours. We grabbed some food, talked about the move, vacation for them, lots of things. Took my niece up to the school up the street and flew her kite. At least, we tried. The wind was just not working with us that day. But we had a lot of fun, it was nice making my niece laugh and see her having a good time.

Stopped in to see my parents last. They have been around for me so much for the past few weeks. No, scratch that. They've been there my whole life, even through some of the roughest years of my life. We might have had a falling out years ago when I came out to them at 17, but you would never be able to tell now. We talked for a long time, I got lectured about driving (I made it known to my mother that the reason my car insurance is in the 30 dollar range for full coverage is because yes I still drive like a maniac, but I'm very experienced and cautious most of the time), and to protect my sisters and niece down in Savannah. Please. Youngstown is much more dangerous.

I had a complete breakdown when I was preparing to leave my parents' house. My mom started crying. I started crying. My dad just stood there and smiled and hugged us both. Its so hard to leave them right now, but everything will be fine for all of us. They reinforced the fact that yes, this will be tough, but they have seen me grow and change over the years into a very strong individual. Sometimes, I see that too. Other times, I don't feel like I've ever learned anything. But I know I'll keep becoming stronger as long as I push my limits and continue to be open to change.

My going away party on Saturday was fantastic. Not everyone I wanted there showed up, but the ones who did really did make me feel so wonderful. I was afraid that not many people would show up. But they did. My friend Amanda from my online classes a couple years ago showed up with her boyfriend. THAT thrilled me. Greg and his bf Steve showed up. THAT also made me smile, I haven't seen them in ages, it seems. Everyone I work with that came that night really lifted my spirits and made me feel so great. I met a lot of awesome people in Cleveland in such a short time, and made a lot of friends who I know will always be my friends, no matter where in the country we go. Tara is the best. And so is Tiffany. I absolutely adore both of them. I hate to leave Tara. She left me for California a while back, now I'm leaving her. But I don't know.. there's something about me and Tara that just clicks. I can't believe it took me most of my life to find someone like her. Friends like that just don't come around too often, if ever. We partied and played Wii bowling for hours, and left downtown Cleveland in the early a.m.

Sunday began my final countdown at work. I was retardedly exhausted, but got my second wind that evening at work. Came home, couldn't sleep, and finally crashed around 3 in the morning. Two days of work to go. Today was great. Not many people at work to talk to, but I made money so who cares. Tomorrow is the night I'm looking forward to. My girls Denise and Deanna are both working. I definitely see myself crying tomorrow night. Its going to be super hard to walk out of that place with a dry eye. What can I say, I'm an emotional mess sometimes. I hate leaving people that I have literally fallen in love with over the past few years. They've been there through so much, we've had so many fun times at work and out a couple times too. They laugh at my oh-so-stupid jokes and filthiness that I'm always spewing.

So yes. Tomorrow. Final day in North Olmsted, Ohio. Final day of work, and I'm actually excited to not have to deal with anything work-related until August 10th. It will be tough making my final walk out those doors, but I think I will feel great.

Sad, happy, nervous, everything. Those feelings are not changing, but becoming more intense. I'm so excited for the future, but I need to enjoy every last minute I have here in Cleveland.