I really hope I don't mess things up. Dating this guy at this pace is something totally new to me. I guess I'm like a lesbian in that respect; you know, the whole moving in within a month or two, buying things together, blah blah blah. But this time, I know I can't, and shouldn't. I really never understood how two people could date for months, even years, and just....date. That concept does not exist in my thought processes. But I'm trying to make it that way this time. Like I said though, its taking some getting used to. I'm ready to date, to be with someone and enjoy time together. I'm just not sure what to do once we're both getting along well and having a good time. I guess just go with it. I don't like some of the things my mind has been cooking up lately, I just get paranoid and jealous and all that crazy stuff. I start to  question myself. I guess all that comes from not being in total control, which I always have been in the past. This should be refreshing, but its making me feel like I'm, ...I don't know, "losing" somehow. I guess I need to learn to give in, and enjoy the simple things. Nick and I have been having so many good times together. In fact. thats all we do! I don't even see how we could ever fight, although I'm sure it could definitely happen...especially if I don't shape up right now and just take things day to day. I hope I don't push him away, I really need to work on myself and my heart and mind right now before I let it get out of hand. I just don't know how to overcome the sadness I feel when I don't ...ugh, I guess when I don't get my way. Yep, I know what I need to do. I just need to step back and realize I'm actually enjoying life for once without anything being forced.

It's been a long 3 years since I last posted, but I really do need to get back into blogging again...its a cathardic activity for me. Plus...I really do love looking back and reading what I had to say and seeing what I was going through in the past! I need a diary, and since I'm too lazy to buy some books (like my grandma has done for 50+ years) I just need to do this.

My life has been completely insane since I moved to the South. So many things have happened, good and bad. One day I'll sit here and recount the moments, but just take my word for it....and CRAZY would be that word! Things have changed for the better, but sometimes I still find myself right back at square one, as if nothing I've been through has taught me a single life lesson. I have learned a lot about myself by being here.

But let's just skip all that and jump to present day. I'm now living in South Carolina. Bluffton, to be exact. Just a hop, skip and a jump from Savannah. Closer to Hilton Head Island (aka Old Ohio People Paradise). I was promoted to management through my restaurant in Savannah over a year ago and was transferred to Jacksonville, Florida (whoopee!) for 6 months of training and work. That is when my life really changed for the better. I am now a salaried worker. I never thought I could grasp that concept...you know, just getting paid once a week, the same thing all year round. But I have not wanted for anything for over a year now. All my bills are paid on time. I go on vacations. I whip out one of my many credit cards (several of which are paid off, thank you very much) and don't even think about money, which is a really extremely wonderful new concept to me. I am very generous with my money as well, which I was never able to do ever in my life. To buy dinner for a group of friends, very randomly, is nothing I would have ever dreamed of. Now, catch me on a good (think: drunk) day and I will buy you and your friends that I just met a round of drinks and food for the night and not bat an eyelash. I really do enjoy that part of my life these days.

So it was really sad to have to leave Savannah and go to Jacksonville last summer, even though I was really excited to get back to big city living. Let me tell you....being in a small town for a while was getting me down. The move to JAX was exciting and refreshing, and felt like Cleveland all over again, except for the addition of palm trees and beaches! I trained for management, went to Orlando a few times for more training where I met a lot of wonderful people, and met a few awesome guys in JAX too. One of whom I started dating...

Skip ahead to now. The guy I started dating (and I subsequently moved in with in December of '11 and broke up with in May of '12) moved out over a month ago in late August. I met another guy a couple days later on a whim (who happened to be friends with the ex) and have begun dating him ever since. And my life couldn't be any more perfect right now. I mean, there are things which I am still working on within myself. The trust issues, the dependency things, work issues, etc. But this guy has made me feel really complete, more than the ex ever did.

So I live and have finally begun to thrive in South Carolina. I don't plan on staying here forever. I really want to get down to St. Pete/Tampa in the next year or so. My dream is to live in Florida for the rest of my life, and I'm so close! Work is going well, for the most part. I have really been stretched to the max physically and mentally since we opened the restaurant in January 2012. It is now end of September, 2012, and everything has kind of calmed down. I still have a lot of professional growth and realizations ahead of me, but I'm learning so much day to day running this restaurant. Its turned into a love hate thing. Well, I love when I have days off. And I do like being bossy so...

The new guy has only lived in the south for a few months now. He has brought me back full circle to the attitude I had in my last blog, which I just re-read a few minutes ago. He has that same twinkle in  his eyes that I did a few years ago. Hanging out with him has brought that excitement back into my life. Not only is he adorable and sexy as hell, but also a very mentally positive and stable person that will really bring me back to reality as well. He is from Ohio, and grew up only about an hour away from my hometown. How strange is it to meet someone from the same area, almost a thousand miles away, and feel that crazy bond that unites us and really gets us attached to each other? I love it though. We have so much fun together. We try new restaurants, walk on the beach at night, drive into Savannah for ghost tours, food, walks at the Fort, Tybee Island, ....oh it goes on and on. I hope I can snag him for a lifetime. Things seem to be going really well, and I have learned too much about pushing for a relationship over the past several years to push too hard this time. This past month with him has gone so well and has changed my attitude toward life for the better.

I just needed to write some words tonight to describe my general attitude at the moment. I will definitely be back to put down some more when I get a second. But I was just feeling so happy that my life has changed in so many ways, and for the better, over the past several difficult years. It brings tears to my eyes to read some of the things I've posted previous to this, and I really want to get some of my feelings and experiences down somehow so I can continue to learn and grow from them each year. But yes, I'm back. I'll try to stick around a little more often this time.

Savannah.

I can't help but stare at my new surroundings here in Savannah, Georgia. It doesn't even seem real to me that I'm here, and this is my new home now. But it is. And I absolutely love it.

I sit on my patio at the new apartment and stare at the palms and tropical plants. I stare in half-amazement, half-disgust at the giant bugs and creatures all around me that come out at night. I drive through marshlands and swamps and rivers and near the Atlantic Ocean every day, a hot and humid breeze that is pretty much relentless at this time of year. I am mesmorized by the view from my Jeep every time I cross a tall bridge and look out over hundreds of little docks and boats that are scattered along the rivers everywhere. I drive fast to keep up with traffic in this little/big town but try to slow down to catch glimpses of old Southern mansions hidden behind palm trees and giant live oaks draped with Spanish Moss on almost every road I travel.

It is sunny almost every single day. I wake up early now. I love being up when the sun rises. It makes me feel energetic, even when the heat and humidity hit well over 100 degrees and sweat is dripping off my face as I sit and smoke a cigarette on my patio.

I feel more alive right now that I ever have in my entire life. I think back to my days in Cleveland and how miserable the weather can make you feel. This time of year up north depressed me, because I knew the warm weather was coming to an end in a few short weeks. Here, I look forward to the Fall and Winter months to see how much or how little things change down south here.

My move was extremely difficult in many ways, but went pretty smoothly overall. I had a bunch of visitors on my last two days who all helped me carry things from my little fourth floor apartment down the stairs and into the moving truck. I think I cried every single time I had to say goodbye to someone. It made me feel like I was dying a bit inside, and that maybe this move was a bad decision. But I stayed positive through those last few hours and reminded myself that I have always been okay, no matter where I've been or through any situation I get myself into.

Tara was there my last day. I felt a strange detachment from her though, whether it was on her part or my part. But we went through this phase before so even though it hurt us both a little, we know that that's how life goes. You move on, you keep living, and keep learning. I've only spoken to her once on the phone but I know she's been busy with her crazy life. Tiffany came over looking like the prettiest pregnant Barbie doll in the world. She sat and we talked for about an hour before my sisters and niece arrived in Cleveland. She was there for me the day that Andrew and I broke up. She was the person that came through for me and was there to listen every word I had to say. I couldn't hold back my emotions when it was time for us to part ways. I miss her.

We jumped into the moving truck and my sisters car and headed up to attach my Jeep to the moving truck. The texts and phonecalls from Andrew came pouring in. Apparently he had seen us out on 117th loading the Jeep onto the trailer. We ended up fighting on the phone over something completely stupid. It felt like his last attempt to talk to me, and I could hear the hurt in his voice. Maybe he felt like he made the wrong decision, I don't know. But as soon as that conversation ended, I felt at least 70% better about my decision to go.

I cried in the moving truck, since I was alone and no one could see or hear me. As I neared the West Virginia border, I felt better and better. As soon as I crossed the river into a different state, I screamed at the top of my lungs to get the last molecules of Ohio air out of my system.

That's when I felt 110% about everything.

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The drive down went well. We stopped a few times for gas (damn, towing a car on the back of a moving truck is extremely expensive!!), once for a stretch break, and once for breakfast in the morning. I woke up at 9am on July 30th, did all that back-breaking furniture moving, and was still up and driving through Charlotte, North Carolina, at 7am the next day. As we turned off I-95 onto Route 17, heading south directly toward Savannah and the Georgia border, I became extremely excited.

We crossed the bridge over the Savannah River at 11am. It was the most breathtaking view I've ever seen. The bridge is high, but you don't know how high or steep until you physically drive over it. Savannah was spread out below, the gold dome of City Hall sparkling in the bright sunlight. Trees looked greener. The smoke stacks and tall arms of the shipping ports upriver took on a grand appearance from that vantage point. We finally pulled into my new home at 11:30 am. I was delirious from the move and drive and from being awake for so long. Finally, after 40 tedious hours of being awake, I dropped onto my bed in exhaustion and slept; no pillows for comfort. I didn't need them anymore.

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The first week I was low on cash and didn't do much. Thank God my parents had helped me out a bit financially, otherwise I wouldn't have had enough money to afford the 16 cent ramen noodle packages that I lived off of for seven days. My sisters even helped me out a little, grabbing toilet paper, a little more food and soda, and shower curtain liners for both bathrooms. I was so excited moving all my things into the new place.

We spent the week going to the beach. Emily and Kenzie loved it. Miley Cyrus was shooting her next movie on Tybee Island and Kenzie was so excited to see the movie sets and extras walking around doing their thing. They did a whole lot of things and I wanted them to get out without me and enjoy this time for their own little vacation. They never get to do things like this and I think that's one of the best things that my move did for anyone. They got to be mom and daughter in a strange, new, wonderful place together.

Katie read a lot. She rode my bike around the island and jogged. We watched a bunch of movies together and had a really good time.

I met my first new friend within the first 3 days of being in Savannah. I won't say anything bad, because I know he'll read this. Just kidding CW! He invited me to a beautiful park in the city and we played frisbee and talked. He's a great guy and he's really introduced me to a lot of people in a very short time.

There's so much more that has happened, both good and bad, in the 20 days that I've been in Savannah. Nothing that I feel like writing about right at the moment. There are many flakey people down south. Many of them aren't even from here, and I see why they are the way they are. But I'm sticking to the folks I know are good people. I think I need some of them just as much as they need me right now.