I really hope I don't mess things up. Dating this guy at this pace is something totally new to me. I guess I'm like a lesbian in that respect; you know, the whole moving in within a month or two, buying things together, blah blah blah. But this time, I know I can't, and shouldn't. I really never understood how two people could date for months, even years, and just....date. That concept does not exist in my thought processes. But I'm trying to make it that way this time. Like I said though, its taking some getting used to. I'm ready to date, to be with someone and enjoy time together. I'm just not sure what to do once we're both getting along well and having a good time. I guess just go with it. I don't like some of the things my mind has been cooking up lately, I just get paranoid and jealous and all that crazy stuff. I start to  question myself. I guess all that comes from not being in total control, which I always have been in the past. This should be refreshing, but its making me feel like I'm, ...I don't know, "losing" somehow. I guess I need to learn to give in, and enjoy the simple things. Nick and I have been having so many good times together. In fact. thats all we do! I don't even see how we could ever fight, although I'm sure it could definitely happen...especially if I don't shape up right now and just take things day to day. I hope I don't push him away, I really need to work on myself and my heart and mind right now before I let it get out of hand. I just don't know how to overcome the sadness I feel when I don't ...ugh, I guess when I don't get my way. Yep, I know what I need to do. I just need to step back and realize I'm actually enjoying life for once without anything being forced.