happy halloween

But I'm a good Christian woman, so I won't be partaking in the evil this year. Ya'll go ahead and enjoy those apples filled with razor blades and popcorn balls stuck with needles. Yummy!

one-faced

I just found this little gem again, its been circulating the Internet for a few years now. Cracks me up!

http://parisfacial.ytmnd.com/

defending my honor.

My boyfriend and I went out last night. I was definitely not in the mood, and wasn't up for doing much other than relaxing. His best friend was coming to hang out with us so I stopped being moody and decided to just go with the flow and have a good time. I really wanted a chance to get to know his best friend after the last time I met him a few weeks ago when I was bitter that I wasn't included in conversation.

The night started out just fine. We went to a dirty little gay bar in Cleveland (eh, they all kind of are) and I bought us a round of drinks. We finally had a chance to talk and get to know each other a bit, which was really nice.

The bar was really crowded last night. Some familiar faces were around as well. The "We Worship You!" guys were there. My old friend from high school came up to say hello and made me a bit angry when he said "Good for you!!!" in a really fake tone. I don't know if he was being fake or not, but I took it as a dig at me having a boyfriend whom they all can't take their eyes off of. I rolled my eyes at him and said, "good for what?" I dunno. Maybe I took it out of context but seriously, I have always had a boyfriend or someone that I'm dating or hanging out with. I don't feel "lucky" or that I'm with a guy right now for some piteous reason.

If you remember my blog from several weeks ago about the guys who I got into a verbal altercation with when they were flirting with my boyfriend (at the same bar, no less)... well, they were both back too. We've seen them out many times now but they tend to stay away after I told them I felt they were being extremely disrespectful toward the both of us.

Last night was different. The one guy seemed dead-set on pissing off my boyfriend. He put his arm around me while I was raiding the candy basket near the karaoke area. "A" shook his head and let it go. The dude dropped some candy on the ground and on his way up, grabbed my crotch. I pushed him off me and my boyfriend was visibly becoming angry, but again let it go. I talked to the guy's friend and ended up having a good conversation with him. Meanwhile, from what my boy tells me, the other one tried rubbing on his chest. Tension was building. It was time for "A" to sing so he went up on stage with his friends. The crazy guy came back to me and dragged me behind the stage area, reached out, and grabbed "A"s butt from behind. "A" turned around and yelled at him. I knew things were going to get bad, but just how bad? I had no idea what was about to happen.

It was finally time to go. "A"s best friend was outside talking to a beat-up looking Britney Spears. "A" went to close his tab at the bar. I went back inside and saw that an old guy had just bought him a fresh beer. I rolled my eyes at him and said that it was really time to go. He introduced me to the old man, who happens to run a lot of the benefits and shows at the local gay bars. While I was talking to the old man, the crazy guy came back. He said something about the Obama pin that "A" was wearing. I saw "A" tear it off his shirt and throw it. Then "A" turned around, yelling something about disrespect, and pointed at me. He obviously was being flirted with or something and told him that we were together.

The crazy guy grabbed "A"s crotch and laughed. Immediately, "A" punched the guy right back in the crotch. I was shocked, but the guy was still laughing. The guy looked at me, directly behind "A", and jumped right up in my face and kissed me smack-dab on the lips. I didn't even have time to react, I jumped back as quick as I could. "A" grabbed the guy by the head and threw him on the ground. It was a full-fledged bar fight with stools flying in every direction and punches being thrown. I tried to pull "A" off the guy. They were really going at it on the ground, and "A" is a big guy, so I couldn't for the life of me get into it nor did I have the strength to pull him off. A few seconds later they were pulled apart. I grabbed "A" and took him to the front corner of the bar. My heart sunk. He had blood and scratches all over his face, right around his eyes, all over his forehead, and on his neck. He was screaming and I tried to calm him down.

It was a bad scene, one that I don't want to ever see again. I felt honored to have someone fight for me, but still.. its just so stupid. "A"s eyes could've been put out, thats how close the scratches were. What man fights by scratching out someone's eyes?? Well, thats just too obvious in this situation. Its a weird thing to have someone you care about fight for you, and this has never happened to me before. I felt glad to know that "A" cares enough about me to beat the shit out of someone, but really upset that this whole thing happened.

My poor boyfriend. His face is so jacked up. I felt so bad last night and this morning when we woke up, he looks absolutely terrible. I really hope we're banned from the bar. I don't want to be around those people anymore.

switch the station.

As many of you may know, or not, I dunno... I don't watch regular or cable television. When I cancelled my internet service after moving in September, I was asked if I would be switching to satellite service or some other source for my television needs. I said I had not watched television in a couple years. I think I put the representative on the phone in shock for a moment. She couldn't believe I didn't watch TV. She asked if I had a set. Of course I do. I watch movies on it and play video games on occasion. She tried to be funny and technical and told me that I actually do watch then. NO, I don't. I don't surf channels. The only time in the past couple months that I tried to tune in regular OTA stations was to watch Univision for brushing up on Spanish and for the presidential debates. Other than that, I hate commercials, hate 40 minute shows that require an hour of my time to watch, and just the complete and utter garbage that one must sift through or wait on until something worthwhile comes on.

My alternative was always downloading my tv shows in the past. I only have a handful that I watch, including Desperate Housewives, Boston Legal, Brothers & Sisters, The Office, 30 Rock, and several HBO and Showtime programs that I would never pay to subscribe to because they're just outrageous, in my opinion.

After a few downloading scares (I got busted for downloading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, of all things to be busted for..) and a third threat from my ISP to quit downloading or else I'm getting kicked off their service, I decided to join Netflix back in January. Goddamm, do I love that website. I have watched hundreds of movies this year so far, and have even more in my queue. AND I get all my tv shows commercial free and episode after episode.

Since its Fall and its been snowing and sleeting here randomly for a couple days now, I decided to get back into TV mode and I'm once again going crazy for my shows. I added a couple more in the past few months.

I love Entourage, Weeds, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and I started Boston Legal from the very beginning. I just got to watch some of Brothers & Sisters since I missed almost all of last season when the writers' strike was going on.. What are you watching this fall? Any new shows that seem interesting so far? Just curious.

the poopkin.

My little sister Katie and I are obsessed--with poop. Its nothing completely disgusting or foul, but we just make poop references and she sends me random fake-poop pictures all the time. I started it years ago when she was an angel. She would always laugh but never talked about poop with me. Now, the tables have turned and some days, she can be totally shocking to me.

Tonight, in the spirit of Halloween, I present to you... Katie's Poop Pumpkin. I'm dubbing it "The Poopkin." It's really quite good. I didn't realize it at first until she mentioned it. The ears are the P's.

She sent tonight's Poopkin along with a message.

"Mother thought it was a cute Woody Allen until she realized the ears were P's and it spelled 'poop'".

The Poopkin

update-

So tonight, I laid my feelings and emotions right out there in plain view. Thanks to those who responded to my previous "question-" blog. I decided when I got home from work tonight to write a simple one-page letter, nothing too crazy or deep, but one in which I pretty much divulged my feelings and how happy I am right now.

I met him out at a bar, Saturday is kind of our off night and he works early Sundays so we've just been drinking a bit at some dirty bar in Cleveland. There were many more people involved tonight, some old friends whom I haven't seen in a while, so things were a bit different and very entertaining. But I had my letter ready to go for the end of the night when we said goodbye.

I didn't get fancy with presents or anything. I mean, come on, let's not get ridiculous... its been a month, but I think we're at the point to reveal how we're feeling to each other.

I realized, too, after writing this note... that I love "A". Not in love, but I love him as a person and he makes me so happy. He had actually mentioned it when we first got together tonight. He said he wasn't in love with me but he loves me... he doesn't want to sound crazy to me, and that it would take more time for something deeper, which I'm fine with. I revealed that I love him too. He was so glad I felt the same way and it wasn't one-sided, which just made me love him even more.

We talked a lot tonight. He told me his mother has been pushing for him to transfer from the community college we both go to for a bigger school in another state several hundred miles away. He told me about this early this morning, and I told him to go for it. Don't hold back because of me, please! I don't want someone to regret anything based on me. I thought about this all day though... if he would transfer in a year, is this thing we're doing pointless? "I'm not going anywhere. I met you." I re-iterated my beliefs but he said he used to want to get out of town, now it doesn't really matter. He's got me here, and that's more important. They are meeting on Monday to talk for a bit, and I have a really odd feeling he will come out to her then. Maybe not, but he said he wanted to let her know he is in a relationship and ... well, I'll just leave it at that for now and see what happens. Its all up to him, I'm not pushing him in any certain direction whatsoever.

I listened to some Tim McGraw on the way home after seeing him. I hate country. At least, I hated it before. "A" has completely turned me on to it. I'm not going to turn into some bushwhacking hill-jack but seriously, the right country songs are so perfect for situations that you find yourself in. Its so weird. All the way home, I would hit "random" on my iPod and a country song would come on, totally giving my feelings at that moment a stamp of approval.

Oh man, I'm so happy right now. I don't know where this is going nor do I want to focus on it, but it is what it is. I'm falling in love, and I can actually say it now. More importantly, he feels the exact same way.

question-

Today marks one month since "A" and I began hanging out. We didn't really start dating, persay, until about a week later. I know he remembers the date we met, when I told him I wasn't out looking for a relationship with anyone, having just broken up with someone a week prior.

Well, things can change and evolve, and try as I did to not fall for him, it happened. The difference, this time, stems from the fact that we were just friends having a good time and hanging out, nothing sexual whatsoever. Interestingly enough, I've never dated someone that I came to like as a person first. I don't know....it's just a totally different type of relationship than what I've experienced before.

My question is this: I don't want to get all crazy and do anything ridiculous for a one month "anniversary". I do want to show him that I care. I'm pretty masculine, and he's very masculine, and although he did give me a dozen roses for Sweetest Day, I don't think flowers would do the trick for him (like it did for my gay ass). What should I do? Like I said... nothing expensive, extravagant, or mooshy. I just want to give him something that reminds him that I think about him a lot and I honestly do care about him.

Give me some suggestions!? I think I'll give it to him this weekend or something.

poker face

Here's the new video from Lady GaGa. Love her!

insecurities.

Why do we let little insecurities rule our lives? I have mine, you have yours. They are usually really private things that no one knows about besides ourselves, unless we choose to reveal them to someone. Revealing those insecurities takes a lot of trust and can be very painful to let go of. I've let go of some in the past but still hang on to way too many, harbored from past comments from others or from feelings that I've had about myself since I was a kid. Most of the time, coming out with something you're insecure of has a really good effect, since the trusted ear we whisper it to gives us a little boost by saying, "that's nothing!" or "no big deal! who cares, I don't!"

I'm not going to make this all about revealing my insecurities. I just received some pictures of one of the most powerful, rich, and well-known women of our time, and probably of all time. You know who... Madonna.

In the past few months, the tabloids, newspapers, television shows, and pretty much every media outlet has made fun of her hands, calling them "man-hands" or "skeleton hands". I've seen some of the pictures, and they really do try to make them look bad, if not actually worse than they'd really look in person (rather than on a possibly manipulated picture taken under poor lighting conditions at night).

I looked at these pictures a few minutes ago and realized, with a real degree of sadness, that Madonna has been hurt by these comments. Even though she doesn't watch television or read magazines, she has heard about all of this from some source. This mega star is a real, vulnerable person with real feelings, and now she is covering up. She mentioned in her documentaries of the past that she has insecurities, like her "big Italian thighs" (which is why she wears thigh high boots or really dark and tight fishnet stockings all the time). Now, her hands are also the focus.

Take a look at these pictures that my friend Branko sent me and see what she's doing to try and hide herself and cover up her insecurities.

click on the pictures for larger copies.

*pictures courtesy of Branko - taken 10/19/2008, Toronto, CA

how very.

ALRIGHT, why did I never watch Heathers before? I think I thought it was something else and since I'm finally getting into 80s and early 90s movies that I should have been into back when I was a kid, I'm finding all these gems that everyone's already seen before.


So its totally like Mean Girls at the beginning but I wish it would've stayed like that. The suicide stuff was interesting although it got really old for me, really fast.

I took the liberty of jotting down a few of my favorite lines, they're all from the beginning of the movie. For some reason, there weren't many good ones for the rest of the movie.

"She's such a pillowcase."

"...I'd spew burrito chunks."

"What is your damage, Heather?"

"PUNCH IT IN!" (Yep, totally finding someone to do this with. My little sister already shot me down though, dammit.)

"...Come on people, lets give that leftover lunch money to people who don't have lunches."
"GOD, aren't they fed yet??"
"Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?"

"F*ck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?"

And finally...

HOW VERY. (I'm totally using that one tomorrow.)

no pre-nup.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce. I'm sad and happy at the same time. Sad because I thought they were actually going to make it, disproving the whole Hollywood/celebrity divorce rate myth. Happy because I don't think I ever liked Madonna with Guy in the first place. I'm a jealous bitch, I know.

Its really a sad situation though. They've been together for almost 8 years now. And they're doing this in the midst of his new movie opening and her Sticky & Sweet Tour. I'm sure it takes a lot out of someone to keep up with Madonna, and I'm very curious to see if Guy sticks with his gag-order and doesn't reveal anything about their marriage. You know people will sell their souls to hear all the details of their time together.

Looking at Madonna's past, she seems to keep certain important people in her life, even if its at a distance. Carlos Leon, the father of Lourdes, still has open lines of communication with Madonna and every so often, is seen walking through New York City with Lourdes. So I'm sure Madonna and Guy will keep it civil, I think they just seemed to grow apart with her extremely busy life.

I really do wonder though.... Madonna is 50. How much longer is she going to keep up this lifestyle? We all know she started out wanting to rule the world, but at what cost? She can do whatever she wants, has more money than God, and can live a really good, simple life, throwing in an album or project every once in a while. Why continue to live like a 20-something year old when family and children are more important than fame and fortune? I don't think Kabbalah has really done much, if anything at all for Madonna. If they wanted things to work, I'm sure they could have made it. There's still time, so we'll see.

the weekend.

I really look forward to the weekends, although I work Saturdays and Sundays. I guess its a time when most of my friends are off and going to bars and clubs is a bit more appealing because of the large numbers of people going out. Its also nice to get caught up on homework and have a few days where I don't have to worry about waking up early and getting downtown to catch a class.

This past Saturday was Sweetest Day. As my friend Jason put it on Judge Judy, its "an Ohio-Michigan-Indiana Hallmark holiday." Judge Judy, of course, rolled her eyes at him and had no clue what he was talking about, being a New Yorker/Californian.

Friday night, my man came over after work to hang out. Friday has been our time to go meet up with people at the bars and have a good time, usually getting wasted in the process. He showed his age a bit when he brought over a 12-pack of beer and wanted me to "shotgun" one. I never did that before. I'm interested in getting a buzz, but not at the rate at which you may obtain one by shotgunning beers. He took me outside my apartment and punched holes in the bottom of 2 beer cans and handed mine to me. "Just open your throat and let it go down." I laughed and said I had no problem with that. Oh man that's so bad. I did it, gagged a bit in the process, but was fine.

He also brought me a half dozen cupcakes, some banana nut bread, and a big bag of candy bars. I forgot that the next day was Sweetest Day and wasn't really making any connection. I had told him a day earlier that I found a little present for him... Obama air fresheners that I bought for my car and for his too. Just a stupid little thing for election time. We ended up meeting some of his friends out, one who knows he's gay and one who doesn't. They came to the gay bar to meet up with us and of course, they're young as well. One isn't even old enough to drink. That's fine though. I did feel like an outcast for the rest of the night, I guess I just don't make enough of an effort to get to know people. I prefer others to make the first move, especially when the people have some sort of relationship with the person I'm dating. That's something I realized Friday that I need to work on. But I got a little pissy, of course, and did my own thing at the bar. Rather than making a good effort to carry a conversation with his friends, I clammed up in my own little bubble and felt wounded that his friends weren't generously offering up conversation to me.

So we ended up walking home from the bar at the end of the night, and since I was drunk, I put my feelings about it all out there for him. We didn't fight, I just talk too much when I drink and get a bit too deep. But he and I always seem to have a really good dialogue and even if one of us seems a little upset about whatever (and its always outside sources causing us problems), we talk about it, then laugh, and get over it. I never dated anyone where communication was so simple, so easily resolved.

We ended up passing out and woke up early the next morning. He asked me what day it was. "Saturday?" He responded that yes, it was indeed Saturday. But did I remember what day it was really? And then the Sweetest Day thing hit me. I made the candy and cupcake connection immediately. We talked for a couple hours and then grabbed some Starbucks. Of course, it always has to end abruptly for us as we both work all day on Saturdays. I walked him to his car, actually kissed him out in the street and he didn't get weirded out. Things seem to be going really really well.

Toward the end of my shift, "A" told me via text he had something for me and he had driven to my apartment while I was at work so he could try to break into my floor and leave it for me at my door. I told him he could wait until next time we got together. He wanted to drive to my work and leave it in my Jeep. I said I was leaving soon so it would probably be pointless. He seemed a little sad. I went home, ready to get out, and he really acted like he wished he was going out with me.

His mom was kind of bugging him about going out all night since he had to work early this morning. I knew this and was fine with it, until I got home and changed to go out with friends and every single person I know blew me off. You know, I'm pretty exhausted too. But I still have to get out of my world every weekend and just have a bit of fun. Even if its just for a couple hours. I had been texting my man and told him I was kind of upset. He said he'd meet me halfway between where we both live and we could grab a couple drinks.

We went to a couple totally dirty dive bars somewhere in Cleveland. There were fights, the drinks were dirt cheap, there were loud bands, and it was actually a fun time. It felt really good to be around him. I'm getting hooked, for sure. I know he is too, or else he wouldn't be around this much. I feel so comfortable around him, and I loved being at a straight bar without the worries of people interfering or causing problems. It was probably one of the best nights I've had with him so far.

We stayed at the bars way too late. I remembered that he had something for me, so I questioned him. "What was it you were bringing me earlier?" He walked me outside and popped the trunk of his car. My heart completely skipped a beat. There was a giant bouquet of roses laying there. I never had anyone do this for me, and I'm not that girly, but... this triggered something inside me. I was almost at a loss for words, and I felt so happy.

The whole way home, I couldn't stop smiling. I even felt a wee bit of moisture in my ocular areas. Hm. I'm smitten.

sucking up bandwidth.

For the past couple days, I've been on a crazy download spree. I can't even remember everything I've leached, but for some reason I'm expanding my music collection at a rapid pace. If you don't already use last.fm, check it out and follow your musical tastes. I've been doing it for exactly a year today; my friend Abes got me hooked on it. Its really a great place to find new and sometimes completely obscure music thats all relative to what you listen to now. Or not, if you prefer.

Let's see... I've downloaded and listened to Lady GaGa, Peaches' older stuff, Freemasons, OneRepublic, Radiohead (who I never really got into before aside from "Everything In Its Right Place", which is one of my favorite songs from them), and The Ting Tings.

Some other noteworthy artists I've been listening to this week are M.I.A. (love her), Adriano Canzian (who I think is so super hot), Vampire Weekend (my sister's myspace player turned me onto those guys a few months ago, they're awesome!), and Emilie Autumn (I love the cello-rock styles of Rasputina so she is naturally a good addition for me). Oh, and I finally grabbed "Mad World", the Tears for Fears version and the Donnie-Darko-stripped-down-piano-version after I heard the original playing in a little gay gift shop yesterday. One of my favorite songs ever (the DD version).

So. What are you listening to this week and where did you find out about the artist? I'm curious.

last.fm

we worship you!

Some guys actually said that to me last night at a bar.

Uh, seriously?!?!

My boy and I stayed in and watched the third and final presidential debate over a giant bottle of wine. Afterwards, we went to a gay bar where plenty of terrible karaoke was being performed, as per the usual on a Wednesday night there.

Someone from my past, who was actually one of my good friends in highschool back in Youngstown, now lives in Cleveland and saw me out with him a couple times now. And if you've been following my banter recently, my boy is quite the hottie. I'm still trying to adjust to the fact that no one looks at me anymore (I never really knew if they were looking at me because I'm decently okay looking, there's something stuck in my beard, or if I'm hideous... I dunno..) but for real, the fact that my boyfriend is really good looking and getting way too much attention is just starting to become routine and kind of silly to me. I guess I'm going through some type of de-sensitization. I sure hope so, because if I don't, I will be a basket case whenever I go out with him.

So my old highschool friend (we are no longer friends, just long lost acquaintances) came up to me with his friends last night when my boy walked off to grab us drinks. "Oh my god, Joey. I swear you always come around with hot boyfriends. We worship you!" I was a bit flabbergasted. I just wasn't expecting to hear that from anyone. It all seems extremely shallow as well. Looks don't last forever, I can attest to that! After they fade, what remains?? There just has to be way more to it. Friendship, for one. Mutual attraction, as well. Even when looks begin to fade, I don't think, at least from my experience in the past, that my feelings change. I still see that person as someone that I've come to know, trust, and genuinely care for. I overlook changes. I would hope my significant other would be the same way.

That's the thing with all these stupid guys at the gay bars. Not all of them, but the majority of people I know or see at the bars are always out. Its always the same huge group of people, displaced only by the day of the week at different venues. Almost all of those guys sleep with each other in cycles, date each other, befriend one another. It just rotates. All they seem to care about is the hottest new guy making an appearance. When I first moved to Cleveland, I was fresh meat, of course. I was 28, and I don't think of myself as hot or anything in the least, but I was new. I have dated so many guys in the past 2 years, its actually quite ridiculous and I've honestly lost count of all my encounters and dates. They were all meaningless anyway, aside from one or two that almost... almost.. turned into something important.

Why are gay guys so appearance-oriented? I admit, I am constantly looking at guys myself, and have even gone after gay bar newbies before. This time, with the guy I'm currently dating, I did not pursue anything other than simple friendship. I think that's one of the reasons we are actually having a really good time together almost a month later.

So I'm slowly getting to the point where I completely trust this guy. Its really scary for me to let go of those feelings I get; but after experiencing how he treats me (he may be young but he acts and carries himself as a real man, the likes of which I haven't dealt with much in the past), the things he says to me as far as trust issues, and how he really feels about me which he is blunt and completely honest about, my feelings are really growing for him.

So the next time someone comes up to me and tries to break up what we've got (because, honestly, the guys at bars are so miserable that its a pick-me-up to see the damage they can cause for others) or says to me, "You must have a really huge d*ck" (which I also got last night and almost punched the dude in the face for that rudeness), I'm going to laugh out loud. Laugh because I feel bad for them, laugh because they aren't going to bring me down anymore, laugh because I am actually really happy with my man.

dear federal financial aid,

thank you for screwing me up the butt, you always seem to know how i like it. problem is... you forgot the lube this time. and thank you for giving me hope for completing my education just a tad bit less stressfully and then dashing my hopes by trying to tell me that i just make way too much for you to be in this relationship with me. i guess you like to be the one in control, with all that money oozing out of your pockets. really? i'm a server. you've known that from the beginning. yea yea, i didn't tell you exactly what i'm making, but its not that far off. you know serving is a lot of under-the-table stuff. but didn't i tell you about my bills? my rent? my previously existing debt? its a doozie--and that is why i work 6 days a week, struggling from shift to shift, trying to cope with the fact that i had to be late on my first car payment ever in my life last month because i was dishing out way more than was entering my wallet, all in the name of higher education. and in the hopes that you would one day want to be there for me.

your friend ming-ling or whoever at your office today told me i wasn't good enough for you (actually, i know i'm too good for you!), after flirting with you and putting in a rough 6 months of effort. i guess i'll have to venture down other venues, looking for a soulmate; someone i can be in a relationship with for the 10-30 years after i finish my education.

so screw you right back. i'll make it on my own. thanks for coming through for me when i needed you most. sorry i have a job and can actually sustain my own life without foodstamps and government housing. if that's what it takes to be with you, i want no part of it.

sincerely,
ME.

p.s. your breath stinks and some days you have terrible b.o.

this past weekend...

.. at a rally for McCain and Palin, McCain called on the crowd to have respect for Barack Obama. The crowd booed him. A woman was given the microphone from the audience and began to explain why she can't trust Obama. "Because he's an A-rab." McCain ripped the mic out of her hand to cut her off. Another man was seen in the crowd holding a stuffed monkey with an Obama sticker across its head. When he noticed cameras were aimed at him, he nervously removed the sticker, put it in his pocket, and passed the monkey off to a small boy nearby. The boy's parents said they have no connection with the man. Ever since Palin has been introduced as runningmate and given speeches in public, she has been whipping up frenzies in audiences who have begun to turn angry. This comes after she announced Barack Obama's ties with a former 1960s radical, William Ayers, in recent weeks... saying that Obama pal's around with terrorists. Thanks, GOP. You guys are doing a great job bringing the people of this country together, in a time when we need it most.

Watch the video of this douchebag below.

follow me.

so on the right is a little area that says that you can follow my posts. since i've made the transition over to blogspot from myspace blogs, i don't even know if any of you f*ckers are stopping by. i think you just have to make a gmail sign in or blogspot sign in ID to use the features on here. or don't sign in and don't click the follow me link over there. you can leave me anonymous comments on my blogs. just don't call me a whore. that's common knowledge anymore.

what a blah day.

i probably shouldn't have gone out last night, but you know what? screw meetings at work at 8am on a sunday morning. wtf. i told my GM yesterday that i wouldn't be showing up because i was going to be in church. he laughed right in my face. i chuckled a bit too, but wished my little excuse would have worked. i didn't pick up a shift today so i figured i'd go out and get a little buzzed. it was saturday night after all.

it was so boring though. my little muscleboy was in canada for his 21st birthday with friends (they're all underage, hah) so i went out with a couple gay friends, a couple straight friends. it seemed like we all just started laying around in the big leather chairs at the bar, staring at each other and yawning. that was as good as it was going to get, i suppose. they all ended up leaving and i went to another little gay dive and had all three of my old men surrounding me... all three over 45 years of age, and all of them giant muscle daddy's. which i've come to like, these days! i've been on dates with all three of them. nothing serious. i like the flirtatious aspect of it all. and they're all friends with each other so its so weird, watching them vie for my attention. they know it, too.

ew oh yea... before that, when i got home from work, two of my neighbors were talking outside my apartment. i shuffled quickly into my place and shut the door. a minute later, i heard a knock. i was invited to my first apartment building conference. i got slightly bitched at about my parking jobs (i guess i take up too much space with my jeep, whatever though!) and then was told i have an east ohio accent. the conversation was stuffy and slightly annoying. one of my neighbors is gay too, and i really don't think i come off as being gay (unless he hears my madonna music blasting in my place) but he ended up asking me if i hung out at twist, a gay bar at the end of my block. i said i did. i think he may have been grasping to see if i was gay or not. so we ended up talking for a while in the hallway. today, after my terribly long and extremely boring work meeting, i ended up passing out on my couch til mid afternoon. when i woke up and left to grab food, there was a note taped to my door. it was a note asking if i'd like to get a drink sometime, left by the gay guy. that's cool, he seems nice. but the note just sort of left me with a feeling that he wants to mess around. i just sense things like that. as soon as the sun was setting, i was in my bedroom and happened to look through my mini-blinds. i live in the corner top floor of an L-shaped building and the gay guy lives literally adjacent to me, i can sort of see into his windows if the blinds are open. and he rarely opens the blinds up all the way so i don't see much. but this time, all the blinds were open to the top of the windows, giving me a view of everything in his place. i have seen into this one room before next to my bedroom, but this time.... there were tons of pictures of half naked muscle guys and underwear models completely collaging the wall. i swear to god, those weren't there before. and this dude is like, 45 years old. it looked like the dorm room of a skanky young college girl! i love my men, but the only thing i ever do is put some wallpaper on my computer screen. anyway, that kind of freaked me out, and made me think he's just some pervert. i am too, but i wouldn't open up my blinds and let him see that. i just felt like he was doing it on purpose to see if it would somehow catch my attention.... i have no clue.

so aside from all that noise, i wrote the fastest research paper for my business admin class that i've ever written in my life. why i waited until 8pm to start it the night that it was due at midnight is beyond me. but i did. so i literally conducted all the research (online websites and books only, of course) and wrote a quick 6 pages and proofread as i went along. we'll see what i get on that tragedy of a paper. i think for an english class it would be complete and utter garbage, but for a business class, i doubt it matters so much. as long as points were made, blah. who cares. i'm interested to see what my professor will say.

i did talk to muscleboy for a few minutes today, just via text. he just got back from canada a few hours ago. i really hate to refer to him as that now, he is really turning out to be something i hardly expected. we hang out a few nights a week, he sleeps over each time, grabs me coffee in the morning, and says really cute things. he wants to date, i guess, and i said i'd give it a shot. and the other day he said to me, "september 26th." i was like, "what?" he replied, "september 26th. the day i met you." now, if that isn't sweet, i don't know what is. he told me he wished i was with him in canada, he came out to his straight friends there and they totally blew him off all night. on his birthday. i really felt bad for the kid.

yea thats about it. i'm feeling a little weird lately too, i haven't talked to my mom and dad in almost 2 months. not even on my birthday. my niece doesn't email me anymore, i dunno. things just feel really weird. i'm getting more and more disconnected from certain people and especially my family. i know everyone's busy, but gosh, no one is really that busy when it comes down to it. the only thing thats making me feel better right now is that our deal at the restaurant just ended today, so i can't wait to dash people's hopes and dreams of being fat pigs at dinnertime. and i got my security deposit back last week on my old apartment, so finally i feel caught up on bills, a bit. its been a month and a half struggle to pay anything close to on time. maybe i'll get to see madonna in november after all! hopefully tickets in detroit don't sell out, i'm so there. i'll go by myself, i don't even care.

even canada is guilty.

Why did the idea of an NH3-run automobile not take off 25 years ago? The Canadian government owned Petro-Canada. That's why.




More great information and resources can be found at http://peakoil.blogspot.com/.

my take on peak oil.

The topic of peak oil and the changes our country, and moreover, our world, will face in the coming years, is a topic that is new to me, yet finding out some facts about peak oil has completely changed my outlook.

Peak oil. It's a concept that the United States experienced in the early 1970s when our domestic oil production "peaked", or began to level off, concerning how much oil was actually coming out of the ground here in our own country. Gas shortages, stations closing down, and high prices prompted mass usage of public transportation nation-wide. It was with this oil peak in the US that we began to purchase more and more oil from the Middle East. At that time, the US began to import oil from the Middle East at a rate of 5% more each year, and continued to grow at that level each following year. Oil that was priced at $3 a barrel (from the Middle East) was inflated to $12 a barrel almost instantaneously by Saudis and other oil producing countries as they saw our demand and consumption was so high, and so unstoppable. Before the peak, we only received less than 1/3 of our oil from other countries. We now depend on about 2/3 or more imported oil used every day in our country

People at that time thought that anyone predicting peak oil in our country was a complete lunatic. They thought of oil, pumped out of US soil, as an infinite, abundant supply that would never disappear. Analysts at that time said we had maybe 30-50 years before we would see oil peak around the rest of the world as well. Our wastefulness and squandering of oil, Earth's most precious resource, has bumped that estimate up even further. Where does that put us, since 1970? Do the math.

So you're wondering, where are all these ideas coming from, and why am I beginning my usual ramblings on this topic all of a sudden? Is this like my Kabbalah phase? No, even though that's pretty funny. (And I still read Kabbalah books, I just don't wear a red string because people didn't take me seriously.) This is a real threat that will affect us all, and I am extremely concerned about my future and all of our collective futures.

Before I go into why I'm thinking about peak oil, just think about this for 5 minutes. That is all I ask of you. Even if you don't believe in oil peaking anytime soon, or even in our lifetime, look at the changes we've already experienced:

• Gas prices have risen to a staggering amount, over $4 per gallon this past summer in the US. (In European countries, prices were already at this level 4 years ago.) Demand is so high in our country, China, and many other countries that daily production is being pushed to the maximum output levels.
• A hurricane or major storm system moving into oil producing areas causes an immediate jump in prices. Since oil is coming out of the ground just as quickly (if not faster) than it is being used, prices jump drastically even within a couple hours. (I have passed stations on the way to work and have seen $3.75 posted, and at 9pm when I leave, the price has jumped to $3.95. In four short hours.)
• The government of our country has done nothing to prepare our nation for a catastrophic event such as a shortage of oil. (Strategic oil reserves, as a friend pointed out, are set up for this purpose. Well, the government does not have to tell us exactly how much oil is in reserve, and what we do know about it, there are roughly 21 billion barrels claimed to exist. We use almost 8 billion barrels in this country a year, and at that rate, the reserves would be depleted within 3 years, not counting continued production or importation from elsewhere.)

What about electric cars? Solar cars? Hydrogen cell cars?
Well, that all sounds great. But for car manufacturers to produce ONE VEHICLE in a plant, it takes around 90 barrels of oil. What happens to production of cars in plants when oil reaches new highs? When oil hits 200 dollars a barrel... 300 dollars... how the hell are you going to afford that car anymore? There is absolutely no way that is possible. Alternative sources of energy are great to pass the buck on to, but in reality, we have already waited too long to make the necessary changes to adapt the entire nation to them.

What about the things we buy?
Alright. As an example of this, China produces almost everything we buy at Walmart. China uses oil to run the factories to produce those goods. We ship those goods on cargo ships run on oil. Trucks deliver those goods to Walmart. We drive to Walmart in our gas guzzlers. Wow. Goodbye, cheap Chinese-made products from Walmart! And goodbye, Walmart! They will go out of business. Oh yea, and plastic is a petroleum based product! That means everything made of plastic, ...well, we know what to say to those!

What about the things we eat?
Land in the US has been destroyed by past farming methods. In order to make anything grow, we pump the ground and the plants we eat full petroleum-based pesticides and chemicals. We use farming equipment and irrigation techniques that are powered by oil. Oil-driven factories process those goods and then ship them via trucks or trains thousands of miles (think California or Florida produce) to your local store. You drive to the store in your gas guzzler, and drive back home. The documentary mentioned an end of the"California Caesar salad". No longer will we be able to afford to ship and purchase lettuce from the other side of the state. Wow. Goodbye, store-bought foods and produce! Say hello to your new friend, the garden shovel and hoe. Oh yea, and be ready to milk a cow if you get a bit thirsty from the gardening.

I believe that within our lifetime, and more so in the not-too-distant future, we will have to discontinue our reliance on fossil fuels as energy. I believe that this may happen within the next 10 years, if not sooner. We have seen gas prices rise in the past few years from $1.25 to $4.25. What happens in 5 years? Will we see gas reach $9.25? $10.25? At that rate, I know that I will no longer be able to fill up my tank and drive to work.

So now I'll tell you where I'm getting all my ideas from. Well, just look at the current global economy, for one thing. Secondly, I watched a documentary last week called The End of Suburbia, shot in 2004. Since then, I have been doing reading and research on my own to educate myself on the topic. The documentary pointed out changes to come, as far as peak oil is concerned, and and the predictions it made have already been seen to come true. As I watched, I was a bit scared of how quickly change can occur and how much more quickly things will continue to change in the near future. Today, I just watched a follow up to that documentary called Escape From Suburbia (2007) in which many more positive notes are emphasized as far as alternative energy usage for the future, small communities which are self-sufficient, and working, fruitful relationships between people and their neighbors. It really made me think that this is the way that real life is meant to be. We are all living in our comfortable little bubbles (all heated by fossil fuels, to be a bit ironic) and we are lazy. We live in an age of WalMarts and McDonalds and SUVs, rather than an age of learning, surviving, and caring for one another and all that life has to offer. The important things life has to offer.

People in our country believe that our economy (no matter how terrible times are right now) is ever-expanding, growing, and continuing to sprawl (an explained concept in End of Suburbia). But in reality, without an infinite supply of oil, the rate at which we grow our economy will level off, and no doubt, will begin to lose steam. Rome, the greatest empire in the world, collapsed. I would hate to see our country or global economy collapse, but I believe we as citizens must begin to plan ahead, no matter how late it may already be, and prepare ourselves for the changes we will need to adjust to when we can no longer afford the oil that drives our economy ahead. If we can't afford it, everything will slow down and eventually come to a halt.

Alright. I will probably bring more points up in the near future in regards to peak oil and many ideals and alternatives that I'm researching. I have begun to think that maybe the plan I have currently chosen for my life is one which I will not be able to maintain over the next 10 years, if things change the way they continue to. But I wanted to highlight a quick anecdote I learned from the second documentary, Escape, that really showcases how wasteful and lazy we as a global race have become, and why the peak of oil is something that will change life as we know it.

"In Canada, whitefish aren't fished for food from [a certain lake] because
they are considered trash fish. What we do is fish them, ship them on barges to
China where Chinese women clean and filet the fish in a factory. The fish are
then packed and shipped back to Canada where we purchase the fish-- to eat."

(an excerpt from Escape From Suburbia)

Links of Interest:
http://www.endofsuburbia.com/ (documentary site, released 2004)
http://www.escapefromsuburbia.com/ (documentary site, released 2007
http://www.ourecovillage.org/ (educational farm and experimental community of the future)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3uvzcY2Xug (52 minute version of The End of Suburbia to watch instantly)

chk chk chk

!!! rocks. thats the name of the band, durrrr.

dear tt-

Do you see everything you're missing? Your doooweee and domestic assault ain't got sh*t on my hijinks.

;)

love you boo.

baked beans.

OK, so you've never heard the expression "flicking your baked bean". The last guy I dated taught me this one, and that is the one thing I'm retaining (with a smile) from that relationship. He told me a story about this guy he knows.... He went out with a girl, she got drunk, but wouldn't go home with him. He thought that he was hot stuff and said that she "probably went home, thought about me, and flicked her baked bean". This is one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time, needless to say.

I mentioned this one day to a girl I work with, and she (having the same twisted and sick sense of humor that I do) absolutely loved it too. Yesterday, she came up to me and said, "I have a present for you." She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small box of Boston Baked Beans. I had tears, I was laughing so hard!! Oh, boy.

To top it off, I leaned into a booth to grab something off a table and felt a huge rrRIIIIP in my black work pants. I looked under my apron, and voila, I now had the equivalent of a black girl's vagina. A tear right in the seam, in the exact position that they're usually located (at least, as far as I know from my research online). It even looks anatomically correct, with the majora and minora what're-they-calleds. I lifted up the apron for her later on that night, held a baked bean at the top of my va-G, and started flicking at it.

See, you really just have to be there sometimes, I guess.

my buddy...

Last night I hung out with... yes.. Muscleboy again. He's been texting every day since Saturday and really wanted to hang out again. I guess he really does like me, who knew? We had a great time, went and met a friend up at WestEnd in Lakewood for drinks, and had a few too many there. Then off to the gay bars!

I was drunk, and since Muscleboy is really quite goodlooking, some guys were trying to talk to him. I didn't care at first, but then I was ready to start raging. I began to think about how no one is respectful of anyone, and regardless of the fact that this guy and I aren't even dating, how do they know we aren't? I got pissed when some dudes called him over while we were outside smoking. I yelled some choice phrases and obscenities, and was ready to beat the fuck out of this guy. Muscleboy calmed me down. I told him why I get mad. Its about 20% jealousy and 80% f*ck these douchebags who have no respect for anyone, not even themselves.

I went to the restroom and felt a tap on my shoulder... the two guys that I was yelling at. OH. Shoot. We ended up talking and exchanging numbers, apologizing to each other. I explained where I was coming from. They explained that they weren't doing anything to be jerks (which I don't believe but eh, it is what it is).

Muscleboy stayed the night. We were angels, of course! I swear. I still don't know exactly what the situation is turning out to be. But after waking up with him, going to grab some coffee at Starbucks, and having a good time with him in general, I realized today that I needn't be concerned with where things are headed, or why things go certain ways. Things fall into place the way they're supposed to. No reason to push. I'm having a good time. He wants to hang out again tomorrow.

who's sarah marshall?

I'm already Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Why? Mila Kunis!!

Alright, so yea. I'm gay. BUT-- I just watched FSM and I am completely smitten. I occasionally watched That 70s Show a few years ago and always thought, eh, she's a cute little girl. She's morphed from cute-schoolgirl type to an extremely beautiful woman! For some reason, I just couldn't take my eyes off her in every scene. If I were straight, I would be completely in love. I'm not, so don't get your hopes up.

And fyi, the penis flashes in FSM, however gross they may have been, are a welcome change to the frequent boob and cooter shots in every big Hollywood movie these days. Every flick I've rented over the past couple weeks has been overboard with the T&A, ad nauseam. If only more actors would drop their drawers and forget about male nudity being taboo... the world would be a better place! Jason Segel, star of FSM, was pretty unattractive to me at the beginning of the movie and I nearly gagged at the sight of his twigs and berries. Throughout the movie, though, he seemed to become more and more attractive, don't ask me why. I guess a sensitive guy will get me every time! (..and maybe because I'm not used to the idea of a sensitive man..)

If you haven't seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall yet, definitely grab a copy or rent it. Gags and bloopers were hilarious, and omg if they put on a full scale rendition of "Dracula: The Rock Opera", I'm definitely buying tickets!