The Holidays: Part One

I'm so tired right now, so I don't know why I feel the need to sit here in front of my little 15" LCD and type up yet another blog. I stopped drinking Diet Pepsi Max several hours ago because I have a day-- no, a long two weeks ahead of me... after a long two weeks have already passed.

So, how to recap without getting too crazily involved...

Well, yes after the Pittsburgh trip, things went back to normal. I felt super lazy though, and didn't feel like working or doing any extra homework to get myself ahead before finals. My boyfriend, since that trip almost two weeks ago, has slept over every single night save for one night before Thanksgiving (as well as tonight, which is yet another reason I can't get to sleep yet) and become somewhat of a permanent fixture at my apartment. We haven't been going out that much still, and have kept drinking to a minimum. We started taking walks, even in the cold, windy, blustery Cleveland weather which blows at sometimes hurricane forces off Lake Erie.. and since I live a block away from the lake, it can make for a painful and numbing experience.

We have spent a couple entire days together as well, but since we're both a bit on the lazy side, didn't do much aside from eating, sleeping, and laying around like pigs watching movies and reruns of 30 Rock on Netflix. But for the first time in a very long time, I am feeling so comfortable just laying around with him. He has definitely turned into the old adage of "a lover and a best friend", although I abhor using the term "lover" in a sentence. This is the only time you will see me do so. I hope.

Thanksgiving was alright. I mean, to drive almost 90 miles to eat dinner and hang out for a few hours is pretty much a retarded idea, but I really wanted to see my mom, dad, grandma, and niece. Oh yea, and my sisters, and maybe my brother too. It seems like forever since I've been home, and had already felt a tad homesick when I drove through Youngstown on my way back from Pittsburgh without stopping the previous week.

My niece and cousins all started playing Charoodles or some bullcrap like that, but we ended up having a lot of fun. I don't ever really see the cousins, and its always interesting to me that after six months or a year apart, they still fall back into love with me, hanging on my arms and legs, jumping on me, dragging me this way and that, and trying to get into civilized conversations (which, for 10 year olds, can be rough). It was a really good time. I talked more to the kids than the adults, which has always been me. I never really felt like I fit in with them anyway.

The only thing I feel odd about is my brother. He's recently engaged and left me a voicemail a few weeks ago about being in his wedding. Of course, me being the big queer that I am, I really don't want to go to any more weddings, let alone be in one. But of course, I will. Its just.... my brother and I used to be friends, brothers, whatever. Now, its as though I don't have a brother anymore. It has nothing to do with being gay at all, just... distance has come between us. And a girl or guy, in our respective cases. Whenever we were in town together sans bf or gf, we would hang out together. I miss that. I miss him. Who knows if things will ever be any different, but it is what it is.

So my mom tried to gently coax me into staying overnight, but everytime I do, I wake up the next morning to a big, cold, empty house. No one is ever home. God forbid I need a cigarette, because I can't smoke in the house, and the alarm is set so I can't even leave the house. Eh. So I opted to drive back to Cleveland. This is my home now. I'm comfortable and actually really happy here. And when I cross the big bridge over the valley on Route 480 and see the lights of downtown Cleveland in the distance, I feel like I'm just where I belong.

Of course, I also wanted to see my boyfriend. The holidays are rough for both of us, and especially for him since he's not even out to his family. They know he's in a relationship, of course.... but they think its with a girl. That doesn't bother me in the least, but I feel like I'm missing out. And on my part, its too soon to take him to my family's holiday feasts. I need to break them in slowly.

So he came over and we took a late night walk through Lakewood. We passed a giant McCain/Palin campaign sign that is on busy W. 117th (and I drive by that g.d. thing every day on my way to work, too). Hmm. Thanksgiving night. No traffic, everything closed. I suggested we tear that garbage down. Before I could dot my i's or cross my t's, my boyfriend was running toward the thing like a maniac. And then he ran right through it. I looked around nervously, as a cop had, just moments before, crossed out path. There was a black man across the street who started screaming cheers and yelling "OBAMAAAAA YEEAAAAH!" which actually gave me quite an awesome feeling. The sign was so rigid and so tied down to the ground that I couldn't do any damage. My boyfriend tore it in half, of course.

crappy Blackberry picture from my Jeep the next day... wish I had a video!

I met some of his friends the night before Thanksgiving. Actually, they're mostly co-workers, and not really his friends... but I was nervous as all hell to meet them. He's met probably 30 of my co-workers, but that was nothing for me, and he didn't show his nervousness.. he revealed that he was terrified before that, though. They were... interesting. Mostly girls, as they're restaurant workers as well. But they're... on a different level. Plus we were in Brunswick so... 'nuff said. My boyfriend did tell me that a couple of the girls are in love with me. Great.

I'm glad Thanksgiving is over. And Black Friday. I don't fare well with looking for deals at 4am. Its so dumb to me. But I'm definitely in gift mode now. I bought a couple things for family and I'm desperately scrambling to think of gifts for my boyfriend. He's got my shopping done, and wanted to tell me last week what he bought me. And he went over our minimal $50 limit, but eh, it happens.

So, help me. God. Help me. He's a hillbilly. He likes the Browns and Cavs. Country music. JOHN DEERE. DEAR LORD is more like it. But thats why I love him. And I'm having super hard time trying to figure out what to get him. I know I want to get him a Cavs or Browns travel cup, since he tends to carry coffee cups out of my house and comes back with coffee stains all over his crotch area. And maybe a hoodie since he's a hoodie fan like myself. And I got him a Santa stocking, but that will be easy to fill. But I honestly cannot figure out what to get him that will be special. I'm really bad with gifts and I don't buy them that often. Help me!!!

I really need to get to bed. I want to read first, because I'm still thinking too much and need to make myself black out. Its my first night of solitude in a week and I'm already having a hard time figuring out what to do with myself. Left to my own convictions, I tend to do nothing but think and overthink anything and everything, ad nauseam.