final week

I have got to crank things up a notch. I have so much work to do, and so little time.

Moving day is Thursday. My sisters and my niece are coming to Cleveland and we are hitting the road around 7pm for Savannah. I'm getting really excited but at the same time, my heart is breaking. I feel like I need to be around my friends more. But I've spent so much time with everyone in the past several weeks, and I have had so much more fun, along with the pouring out of a lot of emotions, than I have in a long time. I don't remember feeling like this when I left Youngstown to move to Cleveland just 3 short years ago. My, how things do change.

I was in a different phase of life then, and completely ready to move on. I had broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years about 8 months before that move. So, although I had moved on in the relationship department, it was still pretty tough leaving family and friends that I had been around for my entire life. I can't say that I feel exactly the same, but those feelings are coming back to me again. I definitely need a change of pace. I need to reinvent myself, not completely but in order to focus on the things I need to focus on, this is the only option I believe I have at this point.

I spent the entire day last Friday in Youngstown with family. I visited my grandmother for several hours. I stopped by her house as soon as I got back in to town and surprised her. I love her so much, and I see where I get a lot of my personality traits from. Yep, its all her. We sat around, ate some strange, abnormally large cherries that she had just bought from the store, and smoked about a half a pack of cigarettes each. She told me stories from the past, I told her some stories from my days in Cleveland. We had such a good time. I miss stopping by to hang out with her like I used to.

After that I went to my sister's house and hung out with her and my niece for a few hours. We grabbed some food, talked about the move, vacation for them, lots of things. Took my niece up to the school up the street and flew her kite. At least, we tried. The wind was just not working with us that day. But we had a lot of fun, it was nice making my niece laugh and see her having a good time.

Stopped in to see my parents last. They have been around for me so much for the past few weeks. No, scratch that. They've been there my whole life, even through some of the roughest years of my life. We might have had a falling out years ago when I came out to them at 17, but you would never be able to tell now. We talked for a long time, I got lectured about driving (I made it known to my mother that the reason my car insurance is in the 30 dollar range for full coverage is because yes I still drive like a maniac, but I'm very experienced and cautious most of the time), and to protect my sisters and niece down in Savannah. Please. Youngstown is much more dangerous.

I had a complete breakdown when I was preparing to leave my parents' house. My mom started crying. I started crying. My dad just stood there and smiled and hugged us both. Its so hard to leave them right now, but everything will be fine for all of us. They reinforced the fact that yes, this will be tough, but they have seen me grow and change over the years into a very strong individual. Sometimes, I see that too. Other times, I don't feel like I've ever learned anything. But I know I'll keep becoming stronger as long as I push my limits and continue to be open to change.

My going away party on Saturday was fantastic. Not everyone I wanted there showed up, but the ones who did really did make me feel so wonderful. I was afraid that not many people would show up. But they did. My friend Amanda from my online classes a couple years ago showed up with her boyfriend. THAT thrilled me. Greg and his bf Steve showed up. THAT also made me smile, I haven't seen them in ages, it seems. Everyone I work with that came that night really lifted my spirits and made me feel so great. I met a lot of awesome people in Cleveland in such a short time, and made a lot of friends who I know will always be my friends, no matter where in the country we go. Tara is the best. And so is Tiffany. I absolutely adore both of them. I hate to leave Tara. She left me for California a while back, now I'm leaving her. But I don't know.. there's something about me and Tara that just clicks. I can't believe it took me most of my life to find someone like her. Friends like that just don't come around too often, if ever. We partied and played Wii bowling for hours, and left downtown Cleveland in the early a.m.

Sunday began my final countdown at work. I was retardedly exhausted, but got my second wind that evening at work. Came home, couldn't sleep, and finally crashed around 3 in the morning. Two days of work to go. Today was great. Not many people at work to talk to, but I made money so who cares. Tomorrow is the night I'm looking forward to. My girls Denise and Deanna are both working. I definitely see myself crying tomorrow night. Its going to be super hard to walk out of that place with a dry eye. What can I say, I'm an emotional mess sometimes. I hate leaving people that I have literally fallen in love with over the past few years. They've been there through so much, we've had so many fun times at work and out a couple times too. They laugh at my oh-so-stupid jokes and filthiness that I'm always spewing.

So yes. Tomorrow. Final day in North Olmsted, Ohio. Final day of work, and I'm actually excited to not have to deal with anything work-related until August 10th. It will be tough making my final walk out those doors, but I think I will feel great.

Sad, happy, nervous, everything. Those feelings are not changing, but becoming more intense. I'm so excited for the future, but I need to enjoy every last minute I have here in Cleveland.