you will be missed

i just left tara's boyfriends apartment in downtown cleveland. it was 5:17am. i realized how much i will miss cleveland.

i fell in love with this city the moment i moved here, and over the past 3 years, have grown to hate it. but this morning, walking as the sky began to lighten in brilliant colors beyond key tower and tower city, really made me have a change of heart. the drive over superior bridge, past the federal building, was beautifully lit in blue lights as usual, but with the backdrop of a new day, looked much more splendid than any night of drinking downtown would give credit to.

we played wii bowling for hours. tara and i met up and i showed her my apartment, she needs a place to move in to and this would technically be the best and cheapest option at this point.

we headed to the patio, in lakewood.

she said it felt like old times. it really did.

talking about our problems, fears, dreams, men, therapy, and everything else.

we headed downtown to meet up with her boyfriend of several months. he is the nicest guy ever. he was conned in to helping me move my furniture by tara. but he offered up his help on his own tonight to me. it felt really good. i have people who are around for me, even strangers.

i have thought of cleveland as a dump for a long time now. i think my recent boyfriend hated it and turned me off to it. i never minded the homeless. i would give a dollar or two here and there when i could. i didn't mind seeing all of its ghetto-fied glory, because it was so much more glorious than youngstown ever was.

i now realize how much i'm going to miss it here. the city. the waves crashing on the beach in edgewater park as i drove in the earling morning light on the shoreway. the new friends and connections i've made in such a strange time of my life. friendships that will probably never last, or will last a lifetime. i know who the people are who are close to me. i know who will be around to support me no matter what. i never felt this in youngstown, or for my entire life for that matter.

now is a time to be thankful for everyone i have in my life, no matter how fleeting they are. i will miss everyone. i will miss this place. i will miss this time in my life, one day.

i will miss cleveland.