baked beans.

OK, so you've never heard the expression "flicking your baked bean". The last guy I dated taught me this one, and that is the one thing I'm retaining (with a smile) from that relationship. He told me a story about this guy he knows.... He went out with a girl, she got drunk, but wouldn't go home with him. He thought that he was hot stuff and said that she "probably went home, thought about me, and flicked her baked bean". This is one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time, needless to say.

I mentioned this one day to a girl I work with, and she (having the same twisted and sick sense of humor that I do) absolutely loved it too. Yesterday, she came up to me and said, "I have a present for you." She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small box of Boston Baked Beans. I had tears, I was laughing so hard!! Oh, boy.

To top it off, I leaned into a booth to grab something off a table and felt a huge rrRIIIIP in my black work pants. I looked under my apron, and voila, I now had the equivalent of a black girl's vagina. A tear right in the seam, in the exact position that they're usually located (at least, as far as I know from my research online). It even looks anatomically correct, with the majora and minora what're-they-calleds. I lifted up the apron for her later on that night, held a baked bean at the top of my va-G, and started flicking at it.

See, you really just have to be there sometimes, I guess.