we worship you!

Some guys actually said that to me last night at a bar.

Uh, seriously?!?!

My boy and I stayed in and watched the third and final presidential debate over a giant bottle of wine. Afterwards, we went to a gay bar where plenty of terrible karaoke was being performed, as per the usual on a Wednesday night there.

Someone from my past, who was actually one of my good friends in highschool back in Youngstown, now lives in Cleveland and saw me out with him a couple times now. And if you've been following my banter recently, my boy is quite the hottie. I'm still trying to adjust to the fact that no one looks at me anymore (I never really knew if they were looking at me because I'm decently okay looking, there's something stuck in my beard, or if I'm hideous... I dunno..) but for real, the fact that my boyfriend is really good looking and getting way too much attention is just starting to become routine and kind of silly to me. I guess I'm going through some type of de-sensitization. I sure hope so, because if I don't, I will be a basket case whenever I go out with him.

So my old highschool friend (we are no longer friends, just long lost acquaintances) came up to me with his friends last night when my boy walked off to grab us drinks. "Oh my god, Joey. I swear you always come around with hot boyfriends. We worship you!" I was a bit flabbergasted. I just wasn't expecting to hear that from anyone. It all seems extremely shallow as well. Looks don't last forever, I can attest to that! After they fade, what remains?? There just has to be way more to it. Friendship, for one. Mutual attraction, as well. Even when looks begin to fade, I don't think, at least from my experience in the past, that my feelings change. I still see that person as someone that I've come to know, trust, and genuinely care for. I overlook changes. I would hope my significant other would be the same way.

That's the thing with all these stupid guys at the gay bars. Not all of them, but the majority of people I know or see at the bars are always out. Its always the same huge group of people, displaced only by the day of the week at different venues. Almost all of those guys sleep with each other in cycles, date each other, befriend one another. It just rotates. All they seem to care about is the hottest new guy making an appearance. When I first moved to Cleveland, I was fresh meat, of course. I was 28, and I don't think of myself as hot or anything in the least, but I was new. I have dated so many guys in the past 2 years, its actually quite ridiculous and I've honestly lost count of all my encounters and dates. They were all meaningless anyway, aside from one or two that almost... almost.. turned into something important.

Why are gay guys so appearance-oriented? I admit, I am constantly looking at guys myself, and have even gone after gay bar newbies before. This time, with the guy I'm currently dating, I did not pursue anything other than simple friendship. I think that's one of the reasons we are actually having a really good time together almost a month later.

So I'm slowly getting to the point where I completely trust this guy. Its really scary for me to let go of those feelings I get; but after experiencing how he treats me (he may be young but he acts and carries himself as a real man, the likes of which I haven't dealt with much in the past), the things he says to me as far as trust issues, and how he really feels about me which he is blunt and completely honest about, my feelings are really growing for him.

So the next time someone comes up to me and tries to break up what we've got (because, honestly, the guys at bars are so miserable that its a pick-me-up to see the damage they can cause for others) or says to me, "You must have a really huge d*ck" (which I also got last night and almost punched the dude in the face for that rudeness), I'm going to laugh out loud. Laugh because I feel bad for them, laugh because they aren't going to bring me down anymore, laugh because I am actually really happy with my man.